I was watching Morning Joe this morning when they started discussing Ukraine President Zelensky’s remarks/appeal to Russian mothers:

“I want to say this once again to Russian mothers, especially mothers of conscripts. Do not send your children to war in a foreign country,” Zelensky said in a video address released on Telegram.

“Check where your son is. And if you have the slightest suspicion that your son could be sent to war against Ukraine, act immediately” to prevent him being killed or captured, he said.

Ukraine’s President Volodymyr Zelensky

I could NOT believe it…what kind of power does he think Russian mothers have here? What kind of influence on their sons does he think they had while raising them? What kind of influence does he think they have now, over their adult sons?? Men themselves have done studies that show the most powerful influence on a child is their same-sex parent. Boys learn how to be men from their father or father-figure (step-father, grandfather, uncle, etc). Girls learn how to be women from their mother or mother-figure (step-mother, grandmother, aunt, etc). In the complete absence of a same-sex parent, children will take their cues from the greater culture even, over copying the behavior of their opposite sex parent. So if Zelensky wants to ‘appeal’ (really he’s blaming mothers here) to anybody it should be the FATHERS of the Russian soldiers! Leave the mothers alone because they didn’t instigate this man’s war, they didn’t raise their sons to be marauders and invaders, and they have little power here to bring their sons home.

Now this is just the latest instance of blaming women for the terrible behavior of men I’ve seen recently. Unless you have been living under a rock, you have heard of course about the infamous SLAP Will Smith gave to Chris Rock at the recent Oscar awards ceremony. We had one full day of folks actually holding Smith accountable for what he did. But by day two, blaming his wife for what he did had begun. Pretty much the general consensus around the interwebs is that his wife, Jada Pinkett Smith, is some kind of evil creature who has manipulated Smith into all sorts of mayhem and foolishness (including accepting the fact she had an affair with a friend of their son Jaden Smith) and stays publicly humiliating him. While I’m inclined to agree with the opinion that she’s a terrible wife, so what?? How does that make her responsible for what Will Smith CHOSE to do? I’ve seen this woman called a liar (when she’s been pretty upfront about her scandalous ways), a succubus, a simp-maker, and the actual devil (lol) amongst other things. SO. WHAT. Will Smith is the one who is literally a grown, middle-aged man who chose of his own free will to assault Chris Rock. How the heck did we jump to blaming his wife.

That brings me to Kanye West, who got blocked from the Oscars because he’s been wilding out on the internet (mostly Instagram) posting trash about his wife Kim Kardashian and her boyfriend Pete Davidson. Folks were afraid he’d do something outrageous, make a scene, whatever. There have been rumblings that he’s stalking her, and alledgely lying about her witholding acces to their kids. He has insulted and/or made implied threats to people who’ve expressed concern, including Trever Noah and DL Hughley. While many people have been holding West accountable for his behavior, just as many, in my opinion, have been blaming his estranged/ex-wife (they are undergoing a bifurcated divorce). Listen, I have a similar moral code regarding seeing other people while married, it’s a no-go for me, so I get people side-eying Kardashian over launching this very public relationship while still being a married woman. But so what? She was married when she got with Kanye West, and got pregnant with their first baby while still married to another man, humph. So I guess this is just her way of moving from man to man; secure the next man while still attached to the previous. Again, so what? Ok so that’s trifling most would say, but it does not excuse West’s behavior. At all. He is not a child, he is not a puppet, and however he behaves, it is what he CHOOSES to do.

I am so tired of women being blamed for men’s bad behavior. According to ancient and RECENT public opinion, we have the power to drive men crazy enough to assault other men over words (Smith), to turn men into stalkers who can’t let go of a relationship (West), and apparantly also enough to raise little boys to become soldiers of war (Zelensky) that commit acts of genocide and other war crimes. Not only that, we have the power to stop the wars of men, go figure! Yet, we supposedly all-powerful women, somehow have little to no power to stop men from raping, beating, and killing us, humph. In my country, the USA, domestic violence shelters stay full. In the USA, THREE women a day are killed by men. In my country, the USA, women still don’t have the full constitutional protections men have (for example the 14th amendent), despite the fact we have a female vice-president. If women have so much power over men, WHY won’t men listen to us regarding the beating, the raping, the killing, the rights?? Obviously we have little to no power over what men choose to do. So can we all agree to STOP blaming women for the bad behavior of men? Men, YOU are responsible for what you do. Not your mothers. Not your girlfriends. Not your wives, or ex-wives. You! and you alone, are in charge of you and responsible for your own choices. Be responsible for yourselves and hold yourselves and each other accountable for what you do.